hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
