Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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