Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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