I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize