I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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