Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize