We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
