my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My penis needs a shock collar
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
