she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
