i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize