so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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