He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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