took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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