I think im going to throw up on grandma
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize