My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
