You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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