I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
