He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
