I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
