just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
