I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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