She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
