I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
