whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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