Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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