Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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