just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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