I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
