I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
