Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
