I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
