Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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