# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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