i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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