fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
