I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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