I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Couch. On fire.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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