Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
