I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
