I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
