we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
