my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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