Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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