He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
