Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
