I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
