I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
