So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize