dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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