I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
