No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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