my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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