the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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