youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
