she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
