I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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