she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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