You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
