The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
