Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
