She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
