First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
