In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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