After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
