After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
