You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize